"Oh that happened 10 years ago," I hear you say.
"Its long gone",
"Im over that."
How often do I hear that!
Yes the event may have happened 10 years ago but that does not mean the pain, hurt and stress from that event is forgotten or not impacting your life.
Unless we get the wisdom or ahha moment from that event then it sits in our energy field. Give it a little time sitting there, we then store it in our bodies. I see this as if we are sitting in a fire. The flames are jumping up around us and all we can see is the flames, the hurt, the pain, the stress, the doubt and the anger.
We have to deal with the moment, we want to survive, we want to live.
This is when we start to form the coat.
The impact is so great, so fast and so unfair, we have no idea what to do with it.
Never mind, maybe if I just keep busy or change jobs or change relationships I can forget it and get on with life. At this moment the emotions, in our subconscious minds are beginning to get stuffed down, allowing more memories, more adventures to sit on top and NOW I can forget it.
So you thought.
Have you ever watched a movie or a tv programme to suddenly find for some unknown reason tears running down your checks or feeling blah in your stomach? This is no accident. This is your subconscious mind letting you know that there is a memory stored that has a similar feeling to the programme, similar in sight, sound, smell or touch to what you are watching. The event or situation does not need to be the same, just one small strand will link you back in.
This is like wearing a mask of the hurt, pain, stress, doubt and anger and from that moment onwards no only do we see life through that mask, but others look back at us through that mask as well.
What would it feel like to step out of the fire, to ease the pain and hurt?
Firstly we need to de-stress that situation. We need to balance the brain, to allow both hemispheres to work evenly together instead of one side more dominant than the other. Its called a whole brained state, a state where the logical left brain is balanced with the creative right brain. Meaning the communication from the right hemisphere is as strong as the communication from the left side. I use a method called PSYCH-K that will quickly and easily resolve or dissolve the attachments to the fire.
When the fire has been put out, there is a completely different outcome. It is like stepping out of the fire, out of the hurt and pain. This then allows us to look at the fire or situation and make new choices. Choices from a place of calm and peace and non-attachment. Yes, we can never take away the event or situation and we would never want to, as its part of who we are. Its played a part in giving us strength and compassion, love and understanding.
But it does not have to rule our lives.
So where to from here?
Start taking notice when you get pissed off or frustrated, depressed or jealous. Is this really because of what just happened or because you are sick of people taking you for granted, or not respecting you or not seeing you. You may become aware of patterns, that I always feel disrespected or unloved or simply that life is so exhausting.
For transformational and life changing help see how you could possibly work with Jacky Abbott
If you had all the confidence in the world, how would you behave differently?
Whether you see it as lacking confidence, fear of failure, I don't belong here or self doubt it will have affected every area of your life. It may have allowed you to have use reasoning like "thats not for me", "Im not smart enough" or "Im not good enough." What have you missed out on or lost because of it?
I have worked with hundreds of people who are unhappy and unfulfilled because they have allowed their dreams and desires to fade away. Its not because they are stupid or lazy.
Through teachers, family and friends you may have been given well-meaning advice on how to overcome self-doubt and boost self confidence. Some of it may have worked but not ultimately given you what you wanted.
I want you to start noticing what your mind is saying or telling you. This is very important. You may notice thoughts such as 'I can't do that, its too hard for me', or 'don't go talk to them, they will think Im stupid', or 'Im not good enough'.
You've been learning these thoughts since a small child. They are so deeply in-grained and supported by magazines, speakers, family and friends. Its the holding on to these rules that keep people stuck in the confidence turmoil.
Trying hard to overcome the self-doubt, working hard to avoid failure and all the time getting more anxious.
Confidence is something close to my heart as in my 20's and 30's the thought of being part of a group or to voice an option in a group of people was impossible. I would sit frozen in my chair slowly retreating deeper and deeper into my shell. On one side feeling better but on the other feeling so stuck in a prison of self doubt and fear that it would take hours to feel "normal" again.
I have held myself back in many areas of life because of self doubt and fearing failure.
And the good news is that I have been able to learn and change. I now take part in groups and
socialise with confidence.
So I trust the method of PSYCH-K, not only because it is solidly backed by science, not only because I have witnessed it helping hundreds of my clients, but because it has worked so well for me in my life.
If you are willing to be open and change, it will work for you too. Maybe not over night and will take some time and effort but a cyclists doesn't learn how to win a race just by reading books. Yes its great to have the knowledge but some time and effort is also needed to reach their goals.
And the same holds true for developing genuine confidence. What is the root cause?
Carefully consider the important questions that follow.
In a world where you had unlimited confidence:
What would you stop doing?
What sort of person would you be?
How would you behave differently?
How would you treat yourself differently?
How would you talk to yourself?
What goals would you set and work towards?
The answers will provide the values and goals for your ongoing journey.
Follow Your Bliss
What am I here to do?
What do I wish to do?
Go within and listen to your heart.
Its your authentic journey that makes you feel alive. Don't follow your wallet or other people. Listen to the call of your spirit.
How do you find your bliss?
What do you love doing, that when you engage in, time just disappears?
Where did you not fit in at school that could be your bliss?
Just because you don't know, don't put your head in the sand. If you are thinking about your bliss you will find your bliss.
Try different things. Do something that will stretch you every 7 days. You may discover something you didn't know about yourself.
Why do we not follow our bliss? One word.....fear.
What will others think of me if I fail?
We think others hold us back but we are the ones that say "I am not going to do this"
"Opportunties to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging" says Joseph Campbell.
Its not about getting rid of the fear but having courage. Courage is about getting up consistently. The ability to get up when knocked down. Facing fears and overcoming them gives us power. Go up to your fears so you can move through them. Its easy to give up on a job or walk away from a friendship. We can run away but courage is walking through it.
How to get out of it?
We need to stop fighting. We need to surrender. Who are we fighting.....we are fighting ourselves.
Loving and accepting yourself just as you are is the way through.
When we die we are all buried together, the CEO beside the truck driver, the multi-millionaire beside the homeless. What matters is how we show up. What difference did we make.
The privilege of a lifetime is who you are.
We push through the scariest thing possible to find the gold underneath our limits.