Yes I am /was a hands on mother. I took on the role of "mother" as a serious occupation that took up my time, my body, my thoughts and really all of me. And I held this role close to my heart and loved every little bit of it.
It gave me purpose, it gave me value, it gave me love, it gave me acknowledgment, it gave me life. It helped to make me who I am today.
"The conviction that life has a purpose is rooted in every fibre of man, it is a property of the human substance." - Primo Levi
Every minute of every year was working towards the goal that love and nourishment would allow my kids to fly free and do what brought them happiness in their lives. For them to be strong and independent, loving, caring and kind but most of all to be free to be themselves.
You see, both my adult children have left home this year!
I felt lost. I felt stuck.
I was at a crossroads and feeling very uncomfortable with so many questions.
Who am I?
What do I want to do?
What is my purpose now?
I realised my purpose was so wrapped up with caring for others. Almost at times feasting off their achievements.
My automatic response was to hibernate, to stay close to home till this lost feeling had gone. Where was it going to go?
You see my brain loves a challenge. It doesn't like uncertainty, it doesn't like feeling alone and lonely, but instead was much happier to obsess endlessly over everything, or nothing.
Fear of uncertainty reared its head!
However what Ive come to understand is that the feeling of being alone or uncertain is just a thought that makes me feel vulnerable and exposed, with no connection or feeling of belonging.
Any change can have this impact. It affects all of us. Its okay.
I have come to see that the more I surrender the easier this "alone" feeling becomes. Giving myself gentle encouragement that this is where I am now. I am safe, and I do have heaps of friends and support and really not alone and that this feeling will change when I am ready for the next step. And that is okay.
As I embrace this uncertainty, I not only feel more able to see clearer but I can start to thrive. Thrive in different ways. Ways I hadn't thought about before. A whole new world opens up before my eyes, one I never really thought was possible but on some level always wanted!
Its liberating to take back control, to make choices for me, even if Im not certain what is ahead.
I have read many times that its not what you do once that makes a difference but what you do everyday and funny enough what I missed most was the routine. The expecting to see someone at the end of the day, somehow closes the day allowing a new sun to rise in the morning.
And just like in motherhood I have found peace and connection, value and fulfilment, love and appreciation in daily journalling, meditation and trying new things.
This opens up the possibilities of whats ahead. I don't have all the answers right now but theres many possibilities ahead.
I will continue to find my value and worth in myself as each day comes forward.
Can you relate?
Book a session today to heal and grow as life transitions open up a new chapter for you.
"I am always angry," I hear you say. "I have worked on resolving it for so many years but it really just won't go away."
Anger is an emotion.
Anger is a reaction to something threatening to us.
Anger is a mover and a shaker.
For many to feel anger is to feel out of control and uncivilised. And this leads to more repression and resentment.
We often think that if we could just change something or someone then we would not be angry anymore.
I want to look at the reasons why anger could be turning up in your life? Yes thats right, its not necessarily because someone is doing something to you, or because you have had a busy day and are tired.
I want you to image that you are a young girl or boy of 7 yrs. Every day you go to school, other kids talk over you and it appears to you that they really don't care about your opinions. Over time you decide its easier not to speak up because they don't respect your opinion or care about you anyway. Every now and again you get angry. The belief of Im not respected and no-one cares about me, has been formed in your subconscious mind through this experience
You start to get angry with people around you when they don't respect and care about you.
You start to notice that when you get angry, then people do take notice and do respect you.
So within this pattern there is a part of us that is gaining control as it is helping us to feel respected and cared for because when I get angry you stop what you are doing, listen, show respect and care about me.
Anger is not the real issue, it is a symptom. What you really are asking for when you get angry is to feel respected and cared about!
When we feel respected and cared about, the anger will not show up in the same way. We all have different reasons why anger is in our life. Don't get me wrong, anger is normal and useful when expressed in a healthy way.
So, what can you do to move forward and release anger from your day to day life?
Adjust your expectations.
When you feel the anger coming, stop yourself and take a walk away from the situaton.
Be gentle on yourself and dont take everything so personally.
Give yourself some extra support by finding a practitioner who can guide you gently through your life experiences, someone who can get to the root cause to release the real issues so you can live a life on your terms and your way.
Its so easy to fall off the personal development bandwagon and just be happy with what you have or get.
One minute we are feeling amazing and making great progress, the next we are feeling totally lost, confused and out of alignment with our goals, relationships, health and life..
If you are feeling like this I've created this challenge just for you.
Do this for the next 30 days. Say yes to you, commit to you.
This is for you. To help you feel good and to get to where you want.
Immerse Yourself in creating a new reality. Remember that only you gets to choose how you feel, so immerse yourself for the next 30 days. You can do this.
Have fun, don't be hard on yourself. This is to help you get back into the flow, to help your dreams become a reality. Remember the vibration of joy is higher than love.
1. The first step is to reconnect with yourself.
Louise Hay is famous for her mirror work. Every morning go and stand in front of a mirror, look into your eyes and say, I love you, I really love you, Use your name too like Jacky, I love you, Jacky I really love you. This will take all of 1 minute. Even if you think its strange, do it, do it at least once a day for 30 days and see what happens.
2. Spend 5 minutes visualising your dreams.
Choose one goal and get lost in your imagination. What does it smell like? What does it look like? What people are in the picture? What sounds are around? Get as clear a picture as possible so you can feel yourself getting excited about it.
3. What are your fears?
Ask yourself what is your biggest fear around having your dream come true? Do you fear you wont have enough money, that friends wont like you, or that you will be alone.
So get the fear, eg I fear been alone.
Then turn the word into a person, so now you have "alone" standing in front of you. Talk to them and ask what is it you are teaching me? Be open and curious to what reply you get. Thank them and let them go and see them thanking you.
4. Get focused.
What are your top goals for today? Use a daily planner and write down what you want to accomplish today. Check in at lunch time to see how you are going.
5. Take time out.
Take at least 5 minutes to go for a walk or sit in quiet. Let your body refuel from the calm peace of not having to do anything. Take this time for you.
To see how I could help you take your dreams to another level visit me at www.jackyabbott.com
Physicists Confirm There's a Second Layer of Information Hidden in Our DNA Incredible.
9 JUN 2016
Theoretical physicists have confirmed that it's not just the information coded into our DNA that shapes who we are - it's also the way DNA folds itself that controls which genes are expressed inside our bodies.
That's something biologists have known for years, and they've even been able to figure out some of the proteins responsible for folding up DNA. But now a group of physicists have been able to demonstrate for the first time through simulations how this hidden information controls our evolution.
Let's back up for a second here, because although it's not necessarily news to many scientists, this second level of DNA information might not be something you're familiar with.
As you probably learnt in high school, Watson and Crick discovered in 1953 the double helix structure of DNA. Since then we've learnt that the DNA code that determines who we are is made up of a sequence of the letters G, A, C, and T.
The order of these letters determines which proteins are made in our cells. So, if you have brown eyes, it's because your DNA contains a particular series of letters that encodes for a protein that makes the dark pigment inside your iris.
But that's not the whole story, because all the cells in your body start out with the exact same DNA code, but every organ has a very different function - your stomach cells don't need to produce the brown eye protein, but they do need to produce digestive enzymes. So how does that work?
Since the '80s, scientists have found that the way DNA is folded up inside our cells actually controls this process. Environmental factors can play a big role in this process too, with things like stress known to turn certain genes on and offthrough something known as epigenetics.
But the mechanics of the DNA folding is an incredibly important control mechanism. That's because every single cell in our body contains around 2 metres of DNA, so to fit inside us, it has to be tightly wrapped up into a bundle called a nucleosome - like a thread around a spool.
And the way the DNA is wrapped up controls which genes are 'read' by the rest of the cell - genes that are all wrapped on the inside won't be expressed as proteins, but those on the outside will. This explains why different cells have the same DNA but different functions.
In recent years, biologists have even started to isolate the mechanical cues that determine the way DNA is folded, by 'grabbing onto' certain parts of the genetic code or changing the shape of the 'spool' the DNA is wrapped around.
So far, so good, but what do theoretical physicists have to do with all this?
A team from Leiden University in the Netherlands has now been able to step back and look at the process on a whole-genome scale, and back up through computer simulations that these mechanical cues are actually coded into our DNA.
The physicists, led by Helmut Schiessel, did this by simulating the genomes of both baker's yeast and fission yeast, and then randomly assigning them a second level of DNA information, complete with mechanical cues.
They were able to show that these cues affected how the DNA was folded and which proteins are expressed - further evidence that the mechanics of DNA are written into our DNA, and they're just as important in our evolution as the code itself.
This means the researchers have shown that there's more than one way that DNA mutations can affect us: by changing the letters in our DNA, or simply by changing the mechanical cues that arrange the way a strand is folded.
"The mechanics of the DNA structure can change, resulting in different packaging and levels of DNA accessibility," they explain, "and therefore differing frequency of production of that protein."
Again, this is simply backing up what many biologists already knew, but what's really exciting from a purely speculative point of view is the fact that the computer simulations open up the possibility for scientists to model and maybe one day even manipulate the mechanical cues that shape our genetic code.
There's no evidence that we can do that just yet, but what we do know is that the more scientists understand about how our DNA is controlled and folded, the closer we get to being able to improve upon it.
The research has been published in PLOS ONE.
I hadn't even noticed the plants were weeds.
I didn't know there was any difference!
Hows your weeding going?
Yep I know, you think one day it will all change just if I give it a little more time. One day you will feel good enough to have enough energy and a life you love.
Thats what I thought when I had every imaginable thing break or die in my life!
If I just push through and make myself see all the wonderful things I have in my life. I am blessed aren't I? Thats what all the books say!
Im pleased YOU can see, all that Im blessed for because I sure can't right now!
This victim thing on one hand keeps me stuck and hurt but on the other hand it feels ok because its happening to ME. Its not my fault. Im not doing anything!
Hold on a minute....
If I can see it happening, surely I can change it? Whats the difference between catching a child before they tumble over and catching yourself before you tumble.
But its not my fault, I hear you scream.
Ive been there too.
And yes sometimes we need help from a professional to see what weeds lay hidden causing the on-going patterns.
When did you last clean out your handbag? (Believe it or not physical clutter can hold you stuck!)
Are you keeping those clothes in your wardrobe for the day you lose that 5 kg? (Never living now but hanging out for WHEN it may happen)
Is there someone you need to say sorry to?
Do you need to ask for help?
Do you need to change jobs?
Hidden weeds are exactly that, they grow out of site, sucking the earth dry of nutrients and potential. Take a moment to think about your life as a child. What situations of abuse, isolation, fear, trauma, or pain comes to mind. You think you have outgrown it because you don't think about it daily and it happened so long ago, so why would it be affecting your day to day life now?
Our bodies store these memories and feelings and I can guarantee that unless you can talk about or think about those events without feeling pain, hurt, emotional, angry or out of sorts than those weeds are moulding and affecting your life. Those hidden weeds are creating your life right now. If you have repeat patterns happening like I had where everything around me was breaking or if you always feel people don't listen to you or your business never quite takes off, then you have hidden weeds holding you stuck, frustrated and doubting your abilities.
Is this really how you want to live?
I know I sure don't!
What deeply hidden weeds do you hold?
In a session I often have people say "Ive never told anyone about this." That is how deeply hidden these weeds can be. I feel grateful that people trust me with their stories so these weeds can be plucked to allow new plants to flourish and grow. You may have to lift rocks, decayed leaves or logs to see the deeply hidden weeds below. You may feel sadness in releasing some but knowing that you are always supported and loved on your journey allows the sun to shine on the new plants.
"Before any garden can be seeded, the ground has to be prepared. The rocks and weeds need clearing, the earth has to be turned and the nutrients introduced. Starting to live life on your terms is the same. You have to clear the clutter from your life, internally and externally. You have to create the right environment to be able to grow your vision." Lynne Franks
The last few months for me have had an element of frustration attached. Why? Its like all the things around me are getting a re-vamp. From the bathroom leaking, puncture in a car tyre, tv puffing smoke, iPad dropping out of its cover and glass smashing, oven stopped working to tenants moving on after 7 years !!! Not only is it financially draining but mentally and emotionally it has also been challenging. Ive felt like Im going around in circles.
BUT as I believe everything happens for a reason, I decided to do a session on myself to see what was holding this pattern in place. Heres some of the beliefs I needed to balance.
Its safe to let go.
I deserve to love others.
Its possible to forgive men.
Doing my best is the best I can do.
It is always interesting that when we explore into why something is happening the way it is, often the issues healed are nothing to do with what is showing up now.
A few days ago, a client presented with " I can't get a job, whats wrong with me?" The real issue that was balanced was a situation that happened years ago where they felt left out by friends and never chosen.
Yes weeding can be frustrating and challenging.
Yes it feels like its never going to end.
Yes it feels like you are the only person its happening to.
Yes it can be painful.
You are about to make some major changes that will affect the rest of your life. And until the weeds are pulled your vision will stayed blurred, your energy will be low and it will feel like you are moving forward through a deep mud pond.
Weeds can come in many different forms.
Its a good idea to take a moment with a piece of paper and write about your fears.
What are you afraid of? Who are you afraid of? Where are you afraid to go? Do you have chaos happening so it allows you to feel important or loved? Do you not go to events because you don't feel good enough to take part? Do you get angry quickly which keeps people away?
Is it time you started to pull some weeds so you can grow your vision?
At the end of last year I got the chance to do a PSYCH-K course that would help to change my perception about my body and life. The Optimal Health and Wellbeing balance is an efficient way to discover and change subconscious beliefs that may be blocking you from achieving optimal health in body, mind, and spirit. The Balance includes twenty-two pairs of belief statements that represent qualities and attributes research shows may be associated with optimal health.
What price do you put on your health? It is much easier to maintain good health than start getting healthy when something goes wrong. We take a car to the garage for a service, so why would you not give yourself the gift of a service, to help your thoughts and emotions to run smoothly.
I always remember when I was in my teen years, I thought it would be great to put on weight. I could eat anything at that time and never put an ounce on but a few years later I went to Outward Bound, a 28 day outdoor adventure course where I was introduced to king size chocolate bars!! I was fine while doing the course as all the exercise burnt up everything I ate but when I got home, I had become quite fond of the king size chocolate bars and the weight started to increase. I always remember it was much harder to get it off once it was on and I think our health is the same. Its a harder road to suddenly get healthy while you are dealing with the emotional aspect of illness.
Clients who book in monthly see it like a tune up. Clearing and building as issues present themselves stopping the same patterns from playing out continually. The growth and empowerment is huge.
Many people don’t treat themselves very well. They break promises to themselves, eat poorly, don’t get enough sleep, are self-critical or fail to take good care of their bodies. In fact, if most people treated others the way they treat themselves, they wouldn’t have many friends!
A great technique for treating yourself better is by developing your Inner Nurturing Parent. Imagine you had a little child in your care. You’d make every effort to keep her healthy and safe; to love and support her; to be forgiving of her mistakes, her inevitable slips; and to let her know how precious and important she is. That’s what a loving parent does. Only, in this case, you’re the parent and the child. Below are seven ways to strengthen your own Inner Nurturing Parent, and turn the goal of treating yourself better into daily, living action.
Send loving messages to yourself. Tell yourself, “I love you and appreciate who you are.” When you do something well, give yourself a pat on the back. Say, “Great job! I’m so proud of you.” When you’re struggling or feeling low, be supportive by saying, “I’m here for you. You’re not alone.”
Take good care of yourself. A loving parent would make sure you eat right and get plenty of rest, sleep, fresh air and exercise. Keep yourself healthy and fit. Practicing good self-care is an essential part of this process.
Do nice things for yourself. Get into the habit of doing special things for yourself. Make yourself a cup of tea with the nurturing energy that you’d have when preparing tea for someone you love. Visit the sauna, get a massage or draw yourself a bath filled with special salts. Linger in it and relax. Make yourself a candlelight dinner — a delicious meal in a special setting. Coddle yourself. Treat yourself as a loving parent would treat you.
Set healthy boundaries with others. Let people know what you want and don’t want. Tell them what’s okay for you and what’s not. If you have a friend who’s always late and you end up waiting for her and feeling annoyed, tell her how you feel. A nurturing parent wouldn’t let someone treat you badly. A loving parent makes sure his or her child’s needs are met.
Become your own advocate. If someone is disrespectful or hurtful to you, speak up. Tell them you don’t want to be spoken to that way. If someone was unkind, hostile or verbally abusive to your child, you’d stand up for him. Protect yourself as a nurturing parent would protect you.
Believe in yourself. A nurturing parent would highlight your uniqueness, tell you how special you are, encourage you to build on your strengths and support you in a loving, nonjudgmental way. A nurturing parent says, “You can do it.” “I believe in you.” Become your strongest supporter, coach and cheerleader.
And lastly and most important: Be compassionate with yourself. Have compassion for your humanity and your flaws. You’re human and you’re going to make mistakes. Look at yourself through the eyes of a loving parent; don’t punish or criticize yourself. Reassure yourself. Comfort yourself. Accept yourself unconditionally. And show that same compassion to others, because they, too, are human.
© 2016 Lauren Mackler - Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach and author of the international bestseller Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. Sign up for her free Live Boldly e-newsletter at www.laurenmackler.com.
The path to authenticity can be painful, confronting and down right scary.
It's certainly a challenge.
Most of us would rather not bare our soul. Our fears of not fitting in, not been liked and loved are some of the main reason we would rather allow ourselves to lay dormant. In our desire to be liked we shut down our truth and suppress our authentic self. So deep down that we can get to a stage where we find ourselves asking "who am I?"
We dress to please others.
We say things we don't really mean.
We change how we react depending on who we are with.
We hang out with people who do suit us.
We ask other people what they think would be the best for us to do.
We do things for others to keep the harmony.
In all these situations we have lost our authenticity. We don't really know what we want to do, or where we want to go. Its like been on a raft rushing down the rapids and its pretty hard to get off as the fear of whether we will be liked and accepted or whether it is safe to jump, is too great.
We tell ourselves that the few times we please others is ok but we start to believe we are not worthy, or our needs are not important.
As times goes by we end up with hundreds of beliefs, that are not supporting our needs or wants. We dull ourselves down knowing that deep inside we want to feel more joy and love and most of all we want to be ourselves.
For the biggest shift to happen in our lives we must decide we want to change. We want to be true to ourselves, we want to make ourselves a priority, we want to love ourselves. This takes courage but once the decision is make to change and follow your authentic self you are on the journey and believe it or not, its a much easier journey than pushing against yourself to please others.
Lets start the journey...
1. Be honest to yourself. Start to ask yourself, "Is this what I really want to do?" before you decide to do anything.
2. Love yourself. Get really friendly with yourself. Look into the mirror and say "I love you", "I really love you" as Louise Hay suggests every day.
3. Do the things you are putting off. Do you need a haircut or do you need to fix the washing machine. Get them done now. Make a list every day on what you need to achieve.
4. Say no to the things you really don't want to do, the things you do to keep the balance in a relationship or job.
5. Whats one thing you can change today? Is it putting time in for you, or having that conversation with a loved one you have been putting off?
6. Listen carefully to what you say out loud or to yourself. Are your beliefs supporting you?
Choosing to live authentically now allows the future to support you in wonderful new ways.
How does this work?
It is a session done with/for someone who is unable to come physically into my clinic. Distant sessions are chosen because it saves time or because the client lives on the other side of the world.
At The Healing Room we have clients from all over NZ, Australia, England, Europe and USA.
To set up a distant session, we require details on physical, mental and emotional present and past health. And what your intention for the session is. Then we set up a time for the session. A session is done via Skype or can be done at a time when you are sleeping or just going about your day.
A detailed report on what has been covered is sent via email once the session is complete.
Distant sessions are just as effective as face-to-face ones.
To book a distant session click here
I am passionate to help women re-write their life story by changing limiting beliefs and resolving emotional issues that are blocking you from a happier and fun life.