I hadn't even noticed the plants were weeds.
I didn't know there was any difference!
Hows your weeding going?
Yep I know, you think one day it will all change just if I give it a little more time. One day you will feel good enough to have enough energy and a life you love.
Thats what I thought when I had every imaginable thing break or die in my life!
If I just push through and make myself see all the wonderful things I have in my life. I am blessed aren't I? Thats what all the books say!
Im pleased YOU can see, all that Im blessed for because I sure can't right now!
This victim thing on one hand keeps me stuck and hurt but on the other hand it feels ok because its happening to ME. Its not my fault. Im not doing anything!
Hold on a minute....
If I can see it happening, surely I can change it? Whats the difference between catching a child before they tumble over and catching yourself before you tumble.
But its not my fault, I hear you scream.
Ive been there too.
And yes sometimes we need help from a professional to see what weeds lay hidden causing the on-going patterns.
When did you last clean out your handbag? (Believe it or not physical clutter can hold you stuck!)
Are you keeping those clothes in your wardrobe for the day you lose that 5 kg? (Never living now but hanging out for WHEN it may happen)
Is there someone you need to say sorry to?
Do you need to ask for help?
Do you need to change jobs?
Hidden weeds are exactly that, they grow out of site, sucking the earth dry of nutrients and potential. Take a moment to think about your life as a child. What situations of abuse, isolation, fear, trauma, or pain comes to mind. You think you have outgrown it because you don't think about it daily and it happened so long ago, so why would it be affecting your day to day life now?
Our bodies store these memories and feelings and I can guarantee that unless you can talk about or think about those events without feeling pain, hurt, emotional, angry or out of sorts than those weeds are moulding and affecting your life. Those hidden weeds are creating your life right now. If you have repeat patterns happening like I had where everything around me was breaking or if you always feel people don't listen to you or your business never quite takes off, then you have hidden weeds holding you stuck, frustrated and doubting your abilities.
Is this really how you want to live?
I know I sure don't!
What deeply hidden weeds do you hold?
In a session I often have people say "Ive never told anyone about this." That is how deeply hidden these weeds can be. I feel grateful that people trust me with their stories so these weeds can be plucked to allow new plants to flourish and grow. You may have to lift rocks, decayed leaves or logs to see the deeply hidden weeds below. You may feel sadness in releasing some but knowing that you are always supported and loved on your journey allows the sun to shine on the new plants.
"Before any garden can be seeded, the ground has to be prepared. The rocks and weeds need clearing, the earth has to be turned and the nutrients introduced. Starting to live life on your terms is the same. You have to clear the clutter from your life, internally and externally. You have to create the right environment to be able to grow your vision." Lynne Franks
The last few months for me have had an element of frustration attached. Why? Its like all the things around me are getting a re-vamp. From the bathroom leaking, puncture in a car tyre, tv puffing smoke, iPad dropping out of its cover and glass smashing, oven stopped working to tenants moving on after 7 years !!! Not only is it financially draining but mentally and emotionally it has also been challenging. Ive felt like Im going around in circles.
BUT as I believe everything happens for a reason, I decided to do a session on myself to see what was holding this pattern in place. Heres some of the beliefs I needed to balance.
Its safe to let go.
I deserve to love others.
Its possible to forgive men.
Doing my best is the best I can do.
It is always interesting that when we explore into why something is happening the way it is, often the issues healed are nothing to do with what is showing up now.
A few days ago, a client presented with " I can't get a job, whats wrong with me?" The real issue that was balanced was a situation that happened years ago where they felt left out by friends and never chosen.
Yes weeding can be frustrating and challenging.
Yes it feels like its never going to end.
Yes it feels like you are the only person its happening to.
Yes it can be painful.
You are about to make some major changes that will affect the rest of your life. And until the weeds are pulled your vision will stayed blurred, your energy will be low and it will feel like you are moving forward through a deep mud pond.
Weeds can come in many different forms.
Its a good idea to take a moment with a piece of paper and write about your fears.
What are you afraid of? Who are you afraid of? Where are you afraid to go? Do you have chaos happening so it allows you to feel important or loved? Do you not go to events because you don't feel good enough to take part? Do you get angry quickly which keeps people away?
Is it time you started to pull some weeds so you can grow your vision?
At the end of last year I got the chance to do a PSYCH-K course that would help to change my perception about my body and life. The Optimal Health and Wellbeing balance is an efficient way to discover and change subconscious beliefs that may be blocking you from achieving optimal health in body, mind, and spirit. The Balance includes twenty-two pairs of belief statements that represent qualities and attributes research shows may be associated with optimal health.
What price do you put on your health? It is much easier to maintain good health than start getting healthy when something goes wrong. We take a car to the garage for a service, so why would you not give yourself the gift of a service, to help your thoughts and emotions to run smoothly.
I always remember when I was in my teen years, I thought it would be great to put on weight. I could eat anything at that time and never put an ounce on but a few years later I went to Outward Bound, a 28 day outdoor adventure course where I was introduced to king size chocolate bars!! I was fine while doing the course as all the exercise burnt up everything I ate but when I got home, I had become quite fond of the king size chocolate bars and the weight started to increase. I always remember it was much harder to get it off once it was on and I think our health is the same. Its a harder road to suddenly get healthy while you are dealing with the emotional aspect of illness.
Clients who book in monthly see it like a tune up. Clearing and building as issues present themselves stopping the same patterns from playing out continually. The growth and empowerment is huge.
Many people don’t treat themselves very well. They break promises to themselves, eat poorly, don’t get enough sleep, are self-critical or fail to take good care of their bodies. In fact, if most people treated others the way they treat themselves, they wouldn’t have many friends!
A great technique for treating yourself better is by developing your Inner Nurturing Parent. Imagine you had a little child in your care. You’d make every effort to keep her healthy and safe; to love and support her; to be forgiving of her mistakes, her inevitable slips; and to let her know how precious and important she is. That’s what a loving parent does. Only, in this case, you’re the parent and the child. Below are seven ways to strengthen your own Inner Nurturing Parent, and turn the goal of treating yourself better into daily, living action.
Send loving messages to yourself. Tell yourself, “I love you and appreciate who you are.” When you do something well, give yourself a pat on the back. Say, “Great job! I’m so proud of you.” When you’re struggling or feeling low, be supportive by saying, “I’m here for you. You’re not alone.”
Take good care of yourself. A loving parent would make sure you eat right and get plenty of rest, sleep, fresh air and exercise. Keep yourself healthy and fit. Practicing good self-care is an essential part of this process.
Do nice things for yourself. Get into the habit of doing special things for yourself. Make yourself a cup of tea with the nurturing energy that you’d have when preparing tea for someone you love. Visit the sauna, get a massage or draw yourself a bath filled with special salts. Linger in it and relax. Make yourself a candlelight dinner — a delicious meal in a special setting. Coddle yourself. Treat yourself as a loving parent would treat you.
Set healthy boundaries with others. Let people know what you want and don’t want. Tell them what’s okay for you and what’s not. If you have a friend who’s always late and you end up waiting for her and feeling annoyed, tell her how you feel. A nurturing parent wouldn’t let someone treat you badly. A loving parent makes sure his or her child’s needs are met.
Become your own advocate. If someone is disrespectful or hurtful to you, speak up. Tell them you don’t want to be spoken to that way. If someone was unkind, hostile or verbally abusive to your child, you’d stand up for him. Protect yourself as a nurturing parent would protect you.
Believe in yourself. A nurturing parent would highlight your uniqueness, tell you how special you are, encourage you to build on your strengths and support you in a loving, nonjudgmental way. A nurturing parent says, “You can do it.” “I believe in you.” Become your strongest supporter, coach and cheerleader.
And lastly and most important: Be compassionate with yourself. Have compassion for your humanity and your flaws. You’re human and you’re going to make mistakes. Look at yourself through the eyes of a loving parent; don’t punish or criticize yourself. Reassure yourself. Comfort yourself. Accept yourself unconditionally. And show that same compassion to others, because they, too, are human.
© 2016 Lauren Mackler - Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach and author of the international bestseller Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. Sign up for her free Live Boldly e-newsletter at www.laurenmackler.com.
The path to authenticity can be painful, confronting and down right scary.
It's certainly a challenge.
Most of us would rather not bare our soul. Our fears of not fitting in, not been liked and loved are some of the main reason we would rather allow ourselves to lay dormant. In our desire to be liked we shut down our truth and suppress our authentic self. So deep down that we can get to a stage where we find ourselves asking "who am I?"
We dress to please others.
We say things we don't really mean.
We change how we react depending on who we are with.
We hang out with people who do suit us.
We ask other people what they think would be the best for us to do.
We do things for others to keep the harmony.
In all these situations we have lost our authenticity. We don't really know what we want to do, or where we want to go. Its like been on a raft rushing down the rapids and its pretty hard to get off as the fear of whether we will be liked and accepted or whether it is safe to jump, is too great.
We tell ourselves that the few times we please others is ok but we start to believe we are not worthy, or our needs are not important.
As times goes by we end up with hundreds of beliefs, that are not supporting our needs or wants. We dull ourselves down knowing that deep inside we want to feel more joy and love and most of all we want to be ourselves.
For the biggest shift to happen in our lives we must decide we want to change. We want to be true to ourselves, we want to make ourselves a priority, we want to love ourselves. This takes courage but once the decision is make to change and follow your authentic self you are on the journey and believe it or not, its a much easier journey than pushing against yourself to please others.
Lets start the journey...
1. Be honest to yourself. Start to ask yourself, "Is this what I really want to do?" before you decide to do anything.
2. Love yourself. Get really friendly with yourself. Look into the mirror and say "I love you", "I really love you" as Louise Hay suggests every day.
3. Do the things you are putting off. Do you need a haircut or do you need to fix the washing machine. Get them done now. Make a list every day on what you need to achieve.
4. Say no to the things you really don't want to do, the things you do to keep the balance in a relationship or job.
5. Whats one thing you can change today? Is it putting time in for you, or having that conversation with a loved one you have been putting off?
6. Listen carefully to what you say out loud or to yourself. Are your beliefs supporting you?
Choosing to live authentically now allows the future to support you in wonderful new ways.
How does this work?
It is a session done with/for someone who is unable to come physically into my clinic. Distant sessions are chosen because it saves time or because the client lives on the other side of the world.
At The Healing Room we have clients from all over NZ, Australia, England, Europe and USA.
To set up a distant session, we require details on physical, mental and emotional present and past health. And what your intention for the session is. Then we set up a time for the session. A session is done via Skype or can be done at a time when you are sleeping or just going about your day.
A detailed report on what has been covered is sent via email once the session is complete.
Distant sessions are just as effective as face-to-face ones.
To book a distant session click here
Within the PSYCH-K modality there are many fantastic, fast and easy balances that can be done in a session One that I love is the Core belief Balance. Mostly because you can do a huge amount of work in such a short time. 26 beliefs checked and balanced in one process. This balance helps you to discover and change core beliefs that may be blocking you from achieving your desired goals in life.
It includes 13 pairs of belief statements that represent basic and vital issues such as:
Letting Go of the Past
Life Purpose & Direction
Harmony with Life
Trusting your choices
The Core Belief Balance will identify which of the 13 areas are “weak” for you and balance those so that all of these basic core beliefs are in alignment to support your highest and best outcomes.
I see the Core Belief Balance as important as balancing the foundations of a house. If we don't believe that 'we are safe', or 'trust the choices we make' then the foundations on which we live are uneven and rocky. And this could contribute to a life where you must work hard to achieve or just feeling out of sorts.
This balance can be done as a general balance on life or can be done for a specific issue.
"Oh that happened 10 years ago," I hear you say.
"Its long gone",
"Im over that."
How often do I hear that!
Yes the event may have happened 10 years ago but that does not mean the pain, hurt and stress from that event is forgotten or not impacting your life.
Unless we get the wisdom or ahha moment from that event then it sits in our energy field. Give it a little time sitting there, we then store it in our bodies. I see this as if we are sitting in a fire. The flames are jumping up around us and all we can see is the flames, the hurt, the pain, the stress, the doubt and the anger.
We have to deal with the moment, we want to survive, we want to live.
This is when we start to form the coat.
The impact is so great, so fast and so unfair, we have no idea what to do with it.
Never mind, maybe if I just keep busy or change jobs or change relationships I can forget it and get on with life. At this moment the emotions, in our subconscious minds are beginning to get stuffed down, allowing more memories, more adventures to sit on top and NOW I can forget it.
So you thought.
Have you ever watched a movie or a tv programme to suddenly find for some unknown reason tears running down your checks or feeling blah in your stomach? This is no accident. This is your subconscious mind letting you know that there is a memory stored that has a similar feeling to the programme, similar in sight, sound, smell or touch to what you are watching. The event or situation does not need to be the same, just one small strand will link you back in.
This is like wearing a mask of the hurt, pain, stress, doubt and anger and from that moment onwards no only do we see life through that mask, but others look back at us through that mask as well.
What would it feel like to step out of the fire, to ease the pain and hurt?
Firstly we need to de-stress that situation. We need to balance the brain, to allow both hemispheres to work evenly together instead of one side more dominant than the other. Its called a whole brained state, a state where the logical left brain is balanced with the creative right brain. Meaning the communication from the right hemisphere is as strong as the communication from the left side. I use a method called PSYCH-K that will quickly and easily resolve or dissolve the attachments to the fire.
When the fire has been put out, there is a completely different outcome. It is like stepping out of the fire, out of the hurt and pain. This then allows us to look at the fire or situation and make new choices. Choices from a place of calm and peace and non-attachment. Yes, we can never take away the event or situation and we would never want to, as its part of who we are. Its played a part in giving us strength and compassion, love and understanding.
But it does not have to rule our lives.
So where to from here?
Start taking notice when you get pissed off or frustrated, depressed or jealous. Is this really because of what just happened or because you are sick of people taking you for granted, or not respecting you or not seeing you. You may become aware of patterns, that I always feel disrespected or unloved or simply that life is so exhausting.
For transformational and life changing help see how you could possibly work with Jacky Abbott
If you had all the confidence in the world, how would you behave differently?
Whether you see it as lacking confidence, fear of failure, I don't belong here or self doubt it will have affected every area of your life. It may have allowed you to have use reasoning like "thats not for me", "Im not smart enough" or "Im not good enough." What have you missed out on or lost because of it?
I have worked with hundreds of people who are unhappy and unfulfilled because they have allowed their dreams and desires to fade away. Its not because they are stupid or lazy.
Through teachers, family and friends you may have been given well-meaning advice on how to overcome self-doubt and boost self confidence. Some of it may have worked but not ultimately given you what you wanted.
I want you to start noticing what your mind is saying or telling you. This is very important. You may notice thoughts such as 'I can't do that, its too hard for me', or 'don't go talk to them, they will think Im stupid', or 'Im not good enough'.
You've been learning these thoughts since a small child. They are so deeply in-grained and supported by magazines, speakers, family and friends. Its the holding on to these rules that keep people stuck in the confidence turmoil.
Trying hard to overcome the self-doubt, working hard to avoid failure and all the time getting more anxious.
Confidence is something close to my heart as in my 20's and 30's the thought of being part of a group or to voice an option in a group of people was impossible. I would sit frozen in my chair slowly retreating deeper and deeper into my shell. On one side feeling better but on the other feeling so stuck in a prison of self doubt and fear that it would take hours to feel "normal" again.
I have held myself back in many areas of life because of self doubt and fearing failure.
And the good news is that I have been able to learn and change. I now take part in groups and
socialise with confidence.
So I trust the method of PSYCH-K, not only because it is solidly backed by science, not only because I have witnessed it helping hundreds of my clients, but because it has worked so well for me in my life.
If you are willing to be open and change, it will work for you too. Maybe not over night and will take some time and effort but a cyclists doesn't learn how to win a race just by reading books. Yes its great to have the knowledge but some time and effort is also needed to reach their goals.
And the same holds true for developing genuine confidence. What is the root cause?
Carefully consider the important questions that follow.
In a world where you had unlimited confidence:
What would you stop doing?
What sort of person would you be?
How would you behave differently?
How would you treat yourself differently?
How would you talk to yourself?
What goals would you set and work towards?
The answers will provide the values and goals for your ongoing journey.
Follow Your Bliss
What am I here to do?
What do I wish to do?
Go within and listen to your heart.
Its your authentic journey that makes you feel alive. Don't follow your wallet or other people. Listen to the call of your spirit.
How do you find your bliss?
What do you love doing, that when you engage in, time just disappears?
Where did you not fit in at school that could be your bliss?
Just because you don't know, don't put your head in the sand. If you are thinking about your bliss you will find your bliss.
Try different things. Do something that will stretch you every 7 days. You may discover something you didn't know about yourself.
Why do we not follow our bliss? One word.....fear.
What will others think of me if I fail?
We think others hold us back but we are the ones that say "I am not going to do this"
"Opportunties to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging" says Joseph Campbell.
Its not about getting rid of the fear but having courage. Courage is about getting up consistently. The ability to get up when knocked down. Facing fears and overcoming them gives us power. Go up to your fears so you can move through them. Its easy to give up on a job or walk away from a friendship. We can run away but courage is walking through it.
How to get out of it?
We need to stop fighting. We need to surrender. Who are we fighting.....we are fighting ourselves.
Loving and accepting yourself just as you are is the way through.
When we die we are all buried together, the CEO beside the truck driver, the multi-millionaire beside the homeless. What matters is how we show up. What difference did we make.
The privilege of a lifetime is who you are.
We push through the scariest thing possible to find the gold underneath our limits.